Padel may be increasingly ubiquitous but Olympics organisers are wise not to embrace every fashionable sport, says Ed Warner.

Thwock! I’m just back from a week’s holiday in Cyprus. Apologies – had I predicted the extent of the power cuts caused by Storms Austen and Boelo (thought ex-Chelsea FC’s Todd when I first heard a weather report), I’d have invited you to join me.

Thwock! The semi-distant sound of padel racket on ball has been the accompanying soundtrack of this vacation – from dawn until about my bedtime, broken only for a couple of hours when the day was at its hottest (not even mad dogs or Englishmen wielded rackets in this midday sun). The hotel’s single padel court was in almost constant use, and not always by the same quartet of players.

Thwock (not)! On the other hand, the resort’s single tennis court has been empty throughout.

Thwock! No doubt like me you’ve come across many padel bores in the past couple of years. Some repurposed golf or cycling bores; others you’d never have suspected would fall into the trap of shelling out £339.99 for a racket while dreaming of a fashion house co-design model costing a couple of grand more. Playing more days each week than they don’t, though, does generate a low cost per thwock! Hurries along their gratifying next equipment upgrade, too. Oh, and don’t forget the cost of coaching sessions.

Thwock! Sweden is often cited as an over-saturated padel market, the financial woes of its venue owners a warning to UK investors attracted by the scramble to book court time when scarce slots are made available. I hadn’t been chair at Sussex Cricket for more than a day or so before the installation of padel courts was raised as a possible near-instant way of alleviating our financial strain.

Thwock! Perhaps padel is indeed an answer to underutilised real estate, cricketing or otherwise. But who can say how this current sporting fashion will play out? When did you last hear someone bore you with their Tough Mudder story? That was so very early noughties. Bet those mudderers, or their equivalents, are training for Hyrox now – if they’ve managed to bag an entry in this fitness sport’s crazed Glasto-style rush.

Thwock! Has the International Olympic Committee backed the wrong racket sport in finally opening up to squash for LA28 after decades of lobbying?

Thwock! There are over 4,200 squash courts in England. Estimates of padel court numbers vary to as high as 2,700. At the current rate of growth it won’t be long before padel is in the facility ascendancy. It’s a fair bet that there are already many more player hours spent on padel than on squash courts – aided by the former being a doubles rather than a singles sport.

Thwock! If you can believe the figures (it’s the self-interested global governing bodies doing the counting, after all) there are 20m squash players worldwide but 40m playing padel. Tennis? More than 100m.

Thwock! Where does tennis go from here though? Harder to play and requiring more space, but a far better spectator viewing experience than both the walled racket sports. And with an established, highly lucrative professional circuit to stimulate the greed and reflected glory glands of pushy parents. The top end of the sport won’t be going away in a hurry – and the IOC certainly won’t ditch this superstar showcase for its Olympics. But its grassroots may struggle, just as my Cypriot hotel’s court sat empty.

Thwock! It’s no wonder that the LTA battled to secure its status as the governing body for padel in the UK, controversially deeming it a discipline of tennis and succeeding in its quest in 2020. Globally, however, padel has a separate international federation. No big deal, you may think, but there will be moments in future when the two [disciplines/sports – the choice of status is yours] come into conflict for resource and recognition.

Thwock! I saw one paddleboarder on the Med over the past week. A few kayaks lay unused on the beach. Perhaps this solitary paddler was taking a break from padel, governing body nomenclature doubtless far from his thinking then he rented his board. How frustrating for Paddle Worldwide and its national member bodies, though, that Google autocorrects for padel when you search for the watersport. Especially as stand-up paddle participants also number in the tens of millions worldwide, before adding in kayakers and canoeists.

Thwock! One of the joys of sport is its diversity. One of its greatest frustrations for investors, the difficulty of anticipating swings in its fashions. Check out golf’s revival in recent years after many years of decline, for example, kick-started by the pandemic when it was one of the first permitted social activities coming out of lockdown. Few predicted its renewal.

Thwock! The IOC would do well to watch and wait for some years before acceding to calls to plug padel into the Olympics. And as to the Hyrox founder’s ambition for his creation to be included in the Games…

Thwock! Racket, club, bat, weights or paddle; balls of different shapes, sizes and composition; wheels, cleats, spikes or trail shoes; leotard or Speedos. The choice is yours, and you’re all the richer for it (unless you get carried away in the padel pro shop).

Domino dancing

No sooner had I pressed send on last week’s column, which focused on Russia’s readmittance into global sport, than the International Weightlifting Federation awarded its 2030 World Champs to the city of Moscow. Depressingly, another domino topples.

The IWF president is Iraq’s Mohammed Hasan Jalood, its general secretary Peru’s Jose Quinones. A British perspective on the Russian issue is proven once again to be a partial one.

How to interpret the pre-Budget leak that the government is committing £7m to study the feasibility of a bid to host the Olympics and Paralympics in the north of England (and possibly north Wales too), perhaps as early as 2040? Chump change when the Treasury deals in multiple billions of pounds.

Are we supposed to be excited that the project has money to get it moving, reassured that the PM is being frugal in its pursuit, or both? You can be sure that if feasibility is demonstrated (of course it will be!) then the numbers involved in mounting a bid will swiftly multiply.

For now, I’d have thought there are sufficient human resources within DCMS and other agencies capable of preparing a high-quality document for Andy Burnham’s red box without spending a penny beyond the purchase of the odd train ticket. 

Some of my best sports contacts are consultants, but I’m not sure any of them are needed at this stage – or if they are then there will be excellent ones prepared to work pro bono for now in the hope of landing serious contracts in the years ahead.

Ask me and I’ll give you many better ways to spend £7m on sport in these straitened times.

As to winning a bid for the 2040 Olympics and Paralympics, that feels a very long shot. Worth having a crack, but I’d have thought a UK-wide proposition would have more chance of success, and for a later edition of the Games too. My money’s on 2048, 100th anniversary of the second London Olympics.

Ed Warner is chair of Sussex Cricket and GB Wheelchair Rugby and writes his sport column at sportinc.substack.com